It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
