im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize