dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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