Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
