I am in a vortex of obligation.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
