i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
