AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
