Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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