its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
