So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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