Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
