so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
