A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
That's when you crack a 10am beer
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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