I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
