I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
