he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
