sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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