I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize