Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
