why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize