how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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