no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
