one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
