I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
