Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize