Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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