My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Randomize
