make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
