the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
