its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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