I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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