Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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