Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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