he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
