What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
