I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
