is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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