I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
