Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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