3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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