I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
