i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize