I want to stick my p in your. b.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
