I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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