Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
