Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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