It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
