I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
