I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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