it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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