girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
