Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
