I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
