did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
