Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
