hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
