I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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