I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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