At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
