I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
