I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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