While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How's work?
Spinning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
