whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
