if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
