Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
All I want is dick and wine.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
