so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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