I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
