There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
