i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
