Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
