Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
