Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
